


Long into longing

by AmebThings



Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII Remake (Video Game 2020)
Genre: Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Domestic, Domestic Fluff, Drinking, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Living Together, M/M, Not Beta Read, Pining, Reno's POV, Resolved Romantic Tension, Suffering, Unresolved Romantic Tension, apologies in advance, english is not my first language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-05
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-17 15:46:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29227932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmebThings/pseuds/AmebThings
Summary: Reno falls in love with his partner, and tries to deal with it the best he can.
Relationships: Reno/Rude (Compilation of FFVII)
Comments: 15
Kudos: 51





	1. Chapter 1

Love was stupid. Reno always thought that. All those stories about men and women doing stupid shit for people they barely knew, just because of chemical inbalance in their systems. Even worse, if they succeeded in their efforts, and plagued the streets, making out on park benches and holding hands in public.

Disgusting, that's what Reno thought for the longest time. And stupid. Would never happen to him.

Funny how life works.

Reno tore his gaze away from the papers, displayed on the desk, to look at his partner, hunched over in the office chair next to him. Rude's face scrunched in effort, as he filled the document before him, line after line, with a steady flow of ink. Reno always enjoyed watching his gloved hands move.

"What?" Rude broke the silence, obviously feeling the intentive stare. Reno quickly looked away, flicking the pen between his fingers. 

"Nothing. Bored." He stammered in response. Rude smiled, putting one paper away and grabbing another from the pile. 

"Get to it." He said, placing a pen at the start of a new line. "This is your job."

"Oh, fuck that." Reno smirked. An empty smile. "I was made for better things."

Rude wouldn't humor him more, his attention snapping back to the task.

Always professional. 

Focused and determined.

A trustworthy partner one can depend on.

Nearby, but never close. 

How dare Reno wish for more than that.

He was never attracted to men. Never considered having a relationship with one. All the women that appeared in his life were just episodes, beautiful things to keep him sane, and warm his bed. Ment nothing in the long run. Why would they, if members of the Turks had no future?

So Reno never bothered with relationships. He whistled at the girls in short skirts and joked about the size of their breasts, like any other man would. And then he started working with Rude.

Rude wouldn't whistle at passing women, wouldn't joke about their bodies. He would open the doors for them, compliment them politely, listen to their laments. Menacing while silent and serious, he would melt all the hearts around him with his calm, deep, velvety smooth voice. Few words falling from those dark, full lips were enough to grant them either an access somewhere, or a favor from someone smitten enough to offer it.

Reno used to get mad about that. Used to compete with his partner in flirting and charms. Used to annoy him by hanging off his shoulders, drunk or sober. 

Of course they kept their distance - just bros being bros. Coworkers turned trusted aquaintances, after few times of saving each others' lives. Turned friends, after few failed missions followed by heavy drinking. Even then Rude wasn't attractive to him. A buddy to drink with, to tease about various things. Nothing more.

Reno wasn't sure when things changed, but he remembered one specific moment. They were out in the field, sirens roaring around them in alarm. Both of them wounded, squatting by the only standing wall, waiting for the rescue chopper. Rude held him close, pressing both hands into his stomach to stop the bleeding, pleading and taunting him repeatedly to stay awake. 

It wasn't the first time they clutched to each other like that, but it was the first time Rude kept him in such tight embrace, seemingly unneccessarily. It felt warm and safe, in a way Reno never experienced before. Almost as if Rude cared about him more, than just in a friendly way.

He scolded himself many times after that. Told himself he just needed a hug, like a pathetic wuss that he was, and Rude happened to be there to provide it. He tried to forget that large hand stroking his hair, and his partner's hot breath over his temple. It was impossible to do.

Was this love? Reno wasn't sure. Was love about wanting to get close to another person? Wanting to touch them, to find comfort and peace in their arms? To breathe in the smell of their cologne right from the crook of their neck, where the purple shirt ended in a neatly folded collar?

He almost wanted to get hurt again, to get shot or sliced - to almost die. Just to find himself in that embrace again. To hear those words, asking him to stay. To see those eyes, wide with worry and fear. But he wouldn't do that. Rude would see right through him.

Instead, Reno became aware of everything about his partner. His scent, his voice, the rare sounds he was making. The way his gloves crinkled, whenever he curled his fingers. The way he cleared his throat before speaking. One day he changed his tie and Reno was the only one who noticed. He made a comment about it, pretending it didn't get him all flustered.

If only he could get closer.

He tried to be sneaky, sit next to his partner, so their shoulders would brush. Stand close enough to catch a little bit of that warmth, like a homeless guy hovering over a fireplace. Sometimes he would take advantage of them being alone in the office, and drape himself over Rude's back, for as long as he was allowed. Sometimes he would drag his partner along somewhere by the hand, holding onto his cuffs, too scared to reach for the palm. But it was all him.

Rude never tried to touch him.

It was only getting worse. Seeing Rude among other people, relaxed and smiling, made his heart burn. Seeing him swarmed with girls in pubs and bars they went to, made his jaws clench. 

"You're pathetic" He told his reflection in the shitty bar bathroom mirror, before going back there to watch Rude flirt with women like a gentleman that he was. Watch him and drink himself fast, hopefully to death. Hopefully into a state, where his partner will have to help him get back to his place.

The only downside of that was, he could barely register what was happening. He was warm, propped by Rude's arms on their way to the subway, he could hear himself talking, and Rude staying silent, and it felt good. Felt right, at least to him. Until he straightened his back and gripped his partner's arm, halting them midstep, just to look into Rude's eyes and perhaps tell him everything without using words. That was when Rude pushed him away onto the sidewalk.

"Get a hold of yourself."

Those words rang in his ears long afterwards, as he slid down the door of his own apartment later that night, laughing like a maniac. Rude's face, the flash of anger he saw, before landing hard on the concrete, stayed with him for a long time. Even though the next day they both acted like nothing happened. 

Reno kept to himself for a week. Made the same stupid jokes and the same witty remarks. Watched his partner closely for any signs of changes. Noticed nothing. Considered asking Rude about it, then convinced himself out of it.

"What's wrong?" Rude asked, when he nearly jumped out of his seat, as his partner's hand brushed over his wrist to get something from the desk. 

"You fuckin' startled me u asshole!" Reno laughed, hiding both his hands and his face from Rude, feeling a hot blush of embarassment crawling up his neck. He waited for Rude to go back to his seat, trying to calm his heartbeat down. 

He had to do something about it. Stop overthinking.

It got better when he was occupied - zapping through people, marked as Shinra's enemies gave him little time to think. Got distracted occasionaly, when Rude punched someone's brains out or send them flying with a spinning kick. This sharply dressed man was always a sight to behold.

One such instance landed him a bullet, grazing his side, the other one actually getting his shoulder. Rude was yelling at him, actually yelling, and he barely heard a word of it.

He came to much later, when they crossed the doorway to Rude's apartment, his partner supporting his weight the entire way.

"Sit here." 

Reno was left on Rude's leather couch, having only a bitter taste of a Healing Potion on his tongue, without a recollection of even drinking one. He blinked few times, taking in his surroundings: dark living room, large TV, minimalistic interior. Familiar smell lingering in every corner. 

He was here many times, on this exact couch. Lazing around, watching dumb shit, drinking.

Back when things made sense. 

Soon the flat owner came back with an entire trail of items. Reno winced at the mere thought of getting stitches.

"Fine, fine..." He mumbled, slowly taking off his shirt in response to his partner's burning gaze. Rude was very good at healing, even better at patching flesh up - but it didn't make the process any less uncomfortable.

And then Rude touched him, one warm hand slid over his bare skin and Reno shivered, surprised. 

"Sorry." Came a quiet apology from behind him. So Reno trembled, and shivered and hissed every time Rude touched him to indicate that yes, that's from pain, not from emotions-filled, self-indulging anxiety. 

Despite the occasional distracting sting, Reno's thoughts ran a mile a minute. Was that it? Was this his moment? Everything seemed perfect: the placement, the hour, even the mood, with all the lamps dimed down. 

His half naked body. Rude behind him, giving off so much heat. Reno should use this occassion. Not looking him in the face should also help to say it. Spill it out, say it quietly in this already quiet apartment-

A snip of the scissors, one last tug on his side. Rude's bones cracked as he moved, taking the tools away, leaving his partner gasping for air. 

Fuck. Fuck. He missed it. Should he leave? He should leave. 

Rude came back into view moments later, kneeled next to him, his tie missing, shirt slightly opened down his chest. No glasses. Reno swallowed hard, looking everywhere else but his partner's muscles.

And THEN Rude took his hand in both of his - sending Reno to the verge of fainting.

That was it. That was the moment. It was like the universe itself was screaming at him to finally suck it up and confess. 

So he opened his mouth...and nothing came out. Rude was still focused on his hand, inspecting the bloody knuckles with furrowed brows. Reno tried few more times, but his throat stayed closed, no sound escaping. 

Yet Reno kept staring, noting every little spot of dirt on Rude's face, every wrinkle on the fabric of his shirt. He stared, every last inch of his feelings seeping to his gaze, saturating his eyes with all the things he wasn't able to speak of. 

Rude had to feel it. Part of their bond consisted of how easily they could understand each other without words. One look was enough to express all that needed to be said. 

Please, look at me. Please understand. 

Finally Rude lifted his eyes to meet his, and Reno froze, breath leaving him seemingly for good. 

"What?" Rude barked through gritted teeth, still tending to his hand. 

There was no warmth in his eyes. No understanding. Just anger, annoyance, disappointment. 

Like looking with hope into an empty, abandoned house. 

Oh.

It hit Reno with a force of a speeding train. Rude didn't love him. 

"Nothing."

Rude finished fixing his body in silence, then threw a blanket on his head. 

"Stay here tonight."

"I'm fine." Reno answered, somehow, attention turned inside, to his heart, steadily crumbling to pieces.

"You can barely stand. Leaving now would grant you a shiv in the liver." 

Rude turned off the lights, took off his shirt and disappeared in the bedroom. Reno sat on that leather couch immobilised, for what seemed like hours, fighting the nausea, this choking sensation crawling up his chest, making him heave.

Of course Rude was angry. He made mistakes, got injured, bleed all over the place. Made his partner worried, irritated, forced him to take care of him. That he did. Because they were partners.

They worked well together.

Losing Reno would stirr the company. Make problems. Break a chain of success.

And Rude was a good man. He would save and patch up anybody - Tseng, Elena, whoever he'd be partnered with. Reno being Reno didn't mean as much as he thought. 

Stupid. He was so stupid.

Running on an autopilot, Reno got up, took his jacket, ignored his shredded shirt. Stand in the doorway of the bedroom, looking at his sleeping partner. Rude layed on his back, one arm tossed loosely above his head, relaxed. 

Reno wished he could crawl over there, under the warm covers. Place his head on the man's sternum. Fall asleep to the sound of his heartbeat. 

Instead, he moved away - left the apartment, carefully closing the door behind him. 

If that's love, I don't want it, he thought.

Not much changed after that. Rude never addressed him leaving, and Reno never spoke of it either. Wounds were a part of their job, nothing to discuss. 

And Reno did his best to live on. To freeze that shattered mess in his chest, push it down, so no one would know about it. Continued working with Rude, despite them growing more and more apart. 

Rude was never the one to reach for him. Reno stopped reaching a while ago. 

There was one last time, one last attempt at bringing back the past. Reno stood in front of his partner, hands on his hips, empty smirk stretching his face.

"Hey, let's go drinkin'. My treat!"

He's supposed to sound excited, playful. Like before.

Rude didn't even look up from the stack of papers he was taking care of.

"I have plans." He said. "Sorry."

And that was the end of it.

Reno wished he could turn those feelings into hatred. Twist this silent admiration up, crack this image of perfection that was his partner. But he couldn't. It wasn't Rude's fault. It was just not meant to be.

You stupid fuckers, Reno thought, watching a joyful couple from the passanger's seat of the company's car. You have no idea how lucky you are.

Lights changed, and the pair crossed the streets, smiling, holding hands. The girl reached up her boyfriend's collar to fix his scarf and got a sweet kiss in return. It hurt to watch them, yet Reno didn't look away. 

He'd love to be in their place.

He'd fix Rude's scarf, despite the man always wearing everything so neatly there was nothing to fix. He'd do it anyway and expect a kiss in return. A smile. A rub of a thumb over his wrist.

"Is something wrong?" Rude asked suddenly from behind the wheel as the car moved. Reno placed his forehead on the windshield. 

"No. Why?"

"You changed."

It took Reno a moment to gather his thoughts. Strangle the honesty. Keep the feelings down, where they belonged.

"...Doesn't everybody?"

"Suddenly."

Reno had no answer to that. He kept staring out the window, people and buildings merging into simple stripes of color. 

Reno gave up. Leaning on Rude, laying on his back, grabbing his arm - he wouldn't do that no more. Even as his soul screamed in protest, even as his body fought him all the way, he would force himself to make a distance, sit further apart, keep away from that man, from that soft suit, from that warmth he desired so much. 

He'd still crack jokes, tease, do a pretend-banter - mostly for the sake of their colleages. Last thing he wanted was drawing attention to himself. 

No one needed to know about how pathethic he was. 

But no - Tseng was happy with him, because he tried to drown himself with work. Elena didn't notice anything different, since he kept on making fun of her, earning a punch or two here and there. He barely felt those anyway. 

"God, you're heartless!" She'd yell after him, and he'd laugh his ass off. Because of course.

And they still talked with Rude - or rather, he ran his mouth, and Rude would answer. Sometimes. Sometimes he would even joke. Sometimes he'd even smile, smile at him. Causing him to ache all over from the inside.

Then, a month or so later, Rude approached him.

It was late, past normal office working hours. Reno sat by his desk, trying to get through all the leftover paperwork from last month. He was tired of the gym and battle simulators - surprisingly writting and signing stuff seemed a much better entertainment. 

Rude cleared his throat behind him, yet he didn't even stirr. 

"Can I talk to you."

It wasn't a question. Reno sighed, trying to recall what he did wrong recently.

"Yeah, sure."

Rude took a seat next to him and turned the chair to face him. Reno raised an eyebrow, placing the pen down. He noticed his partner was nervous, unusally fidgety - he kept rubbing his hands, smoothing down his sleeves. Reno fought the urge to reach out and grab those gloved fingers, still them in his hands. Bring them up to his mouth-

"So what's up?" He said instead, forcing himself to smile, throwing both arms behind his head. Rude looked at him, sighed and looked away again.

"I...Um...uh, I mean...uhhh...." He started, and the way he tried to find the right words was almost adorable. Usually Reno would chime in to fill the gaps - not this time.

"You...changed." Rude spit out, looking straight at him. His eyes were soft and concerned behind those dark glasses, and Reno felt queasy, but didn't break eye contact. "And...Did I...Because of me?..."

Reno blinked, his mouth went dry. "What...?" 

"Are you angry with me? Did I...do something wrong?"

Rude really sounded distressed. He looked as anxious as Reno felt.

And at first Reno wanted to laugh. "Did I do something wrong", what are they, five? Rude will apologize and everything will be alright? He didn't even do anything to begin with.

So he didn't laugh - only smiled.

"Nah, man. I have no feelings, so you couldn't hurt 'em. S' cool."

Rude frowned at his words. 

"But-"

"Trust me, you didn't do anything. It's fine." He turned back to his desk, keeping the easy smile on his face and feeling the ends of his lips quiver. Rude was way too close, warming him up in rapid succession, making his chest ache more and more, breathing getting difficult. 

Rude didn't move though. Didn't just take his answer for it and go. He just sat there, watching him sign another paper with trembling fingers. 

"You free after this?" Rude asked suddenly, dropping his gaze down to his own hands. Reno almost flicked the pen away. Caught it the last second and bit down on it. 

"Why?"

"There's a new bar in the area. Thought we could go check it out."

There was something so familiar about this situation, it tugged on his heart strings. When was the last time they went out, just the two of them? Reno couldn't recall. Last time it was with the entire office, celebrating someone's birthday or something dumb like that. Reno made sure to sit as far away from Rude as he could, but it only ended with them facing across the table. 

It was pure torture.

Sitting next to Rude couldn't be worse. Propably. 

"You know what, why not." He pushed the papers away and got up. "I'm done with those anyway. Let's bounce."

He left first, steady steps of his partner following him down to the parking lot.

At first it was alright. They sat by the bar, ordered some beer, talked about work. It felt like old times...for about an hour. Then they moved on to shots, and Rude started probing him. Not like Reno didn't expect that. Consumed alcohol worked well with muffling his sense of reason.

So he ran his mouth, babbled about life, love, loss, and Rude listened to him. Hours went by, drinks kept flowing, and Reno lost the track of time. He remembered Rude's scent, stronger than the smell of booze, the song that kept playing in the background - strangely soothing, despite its fast pace. There was a blip of Rude's sillouette walking away, which caused him to panic - a flash of his partner being talked up by a bunch of drunk girls, and he had to leave, before he killed someone or himself. 

He wasn't sure how much time had passed, how far away he made it out of that bar, but when he blinked, his face was squished against a chest in a purple shirt, his eyelashes heavy with tears. A pair of arms held him close, a hand rubbed his back in a soothing manner. 

"Wha...?" Anxiety started bubbling up his throat as he went rigid, absolutely terryfied. How did they end up like this? What did he do? 

"It's alright." Rude whispered into his hair, making him tremble. "It's gonna be okay."

"What happened?" Reno asked quietly. He couldn't stop himself from crying and despite clearly soaking his partner's shirt, his body refused to move away, the freeze over his heart melting down. What was even going on? "What did I...Did I say somethin'...?"

"You left." Rude explained, his fingers massaging the nape of Reno's neck, making his brain go white. "I found you two alleys away. You were crying."

Oh, perfect.

"When I asked what was wrong, you were muttering about death, or dying...I had to do something." Rude sounded apologetic, like Reno would get offended by being hugged by the only man he loved more than his own life. 

But Rude didn't know that, and he wouldn't know. After all, Reno was just a company asset. 

He tried to laugh it off, but it sounded more like a desperate sob.

"Man, those shots were something, huh? Didn' expect 'em to fuck me up this bad..."

Whatever he was muttering before, he'd wholeheartedly agree - he could die right now and would do that with a smile. Reno closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, Rude's warmth washing over him, his embrace dense and real, grounding him, luring him even deeper into a false sense of security. 

Rude shifted under him, like he wanted to give him space, and Reno's hands shot up his sides, clutching at his suit. 

"Wait-" 

Rude would let go of him, and it would be all over. They'd go back to work, and afterwards back home, each to their own place, cause there was no space in Rude's life for Reno, and fuck, how much he didn't want this to end. 

So he squeezed the expensive fabric in his fingers, pushed his wet face more into the lapels of his partner's suit, pain coiling low in his throat. 

"Gimme a minute. Just gimme a fuckin' minute, and you can go." He muttered angrily, feeling guilty about it almost immediately. But Rude listened and stayed in place, his hand slowly combing Reno's hair. 

"We can both go." He said out of the blue, above Reno's head. "I'll take you home."

Reno's mind screeched in disapproval, his body turning into living statue made of concrete. 

"Standing in a dark alley this late can't look good." Rude tried again, a tinge of humor painting his voice. Reno could only shake his head, feeling the sharp pieces of his heart sinking deeper into his being. He wouldn't care how he looked like to other people, but of course Rude would. His image was way too pristine.

Reno's arms fell lifelessly to his sides, granting Rude his ability to move back. He never wanted to make his partner look bad. Stepping away had to happen on Rude's side though. He wouldn't give up on being this close on his own. 

Rude didn't step away. He didn't let go either. His fingers still ran through Reno's hair, sending small shivers down his spine. It had to be alcohol, Reno thought. Rude would never hold him like that without influence. 

It was quiet, strangely private, and Reno felt like he had a pneumatic hammer inside, rhythmically bruising his ribs. He fixed his gaze on his partner's throat, watching his Adam's apple bob up and down.

"You know, I..." Rude started, but trailed off. "I missed this. I mean..." 

He trailed his hand down Reno's neck, down his arm, reaching his wrist. Reno felt dizzy just watching the leathered glove slide to his palm. And it wasn't even him who indicated their fingers to entangle. 

As they did. 

"I'm sorry." Rude muttered quietly. At this point they both bend backwards far enough to actually face each other. "We're both drunk, and I know how it looks, but...I really..."

"'s alright." Reno lifted his head to look him in the eyes. "I don't mind."

The other arms found themselves and followed suit, fingers lacing tightly. Rude's forehead landed heavily on Reno's, his breathing hitched. Reno smirked involuntarily.

"Is that what you missed?"

"Yes." Rude responded immediately, his eyes opening, the raw honesty in them overwhelming Reno in the best way possible. The hammer changed into something way lighter, something fluttery - he begged for it to continue. Was it true, false, was Rude going to use him and regret it, was he about to put him back to a friendzone, it all mattered very little. 

"I don't want to lose you." There was no drunken slurr in Rude's voice. "I never wanted to. Whatever happened...I want to know. I want you to tell me."

Reno bit his lip.

"What if you're not gonna like it?" His entire life was already on the line, and he was almost convinced confessing was the right thing to do. He briefly thought about those warm brown eyes growing cold, while learning the truth. Short squeeze on both his hands interrupted those considerations, Rude's beard tickling his cheek cleared all doubts.

Rude asked him again to come home together, and this time Reno agreed.


	2. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A very unnecessary, self-indulgent follow up to the story.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No beta read - something quite fitting for upcoming Valentine's Day. Read at yer own risk 💖

Reno opened his eyes and closed them again.

He did that just to make sure it's not a dream - because the smells, the silence, the comfortable warmth surrounding him - all that was telling him he's not in his apartment.

Right. They came back to Rude's place.

Reno sighed and stretched, enjoying the feeling of velvety sheets pulling against his fully clothed body. He rolled to the side, facing the rest of the bed. The cover's edge was unrolled there, the pillow still bared the dent in the shape of Rude's head. Reno reached over, smoothing down the fabric. 

He haven't been here before, not entirely. He shot a glance inside once, while waiting for his partner to gather his things. One big bed, a build-in closet, a small bedside table. Dark, abstract painting hanged on equally dark wall, now painted in stripes of white daylight, peeking through unprecisely closed blinds.

Minimalistic and classy, Rude didn't like to own many things. Reno loved even that about him. 

A random thought caused a shot of unpleasant sensation in his guts. A memory of what happened few hours before. Reno curled in on himself, eyes wide opened, mind clear.

They talked. They talked a lot. Or was it just him, with Rude listening? He wasn't sure. 

He remembered bits of it - had to fall asleep in the car, because he woke up in Rude's arms, being carried inside the apartment. The leather couch, crawling over Rude's lap, his gloved hands, hot as the sun itself, clasped on his pale cheeks to keep his head in place. Those warm, amber eyes, staring him down to the very core. Letting him know their owner is willing to hear him out. 

So he opened his mouth. Told his partner everything, hypnotized by his dilated pupils.

I watched you from afar.

I admired your skills. Your looks. 

I hated how good you are at everything. I hated how much it was affecting me. 

I was jealous of what you can offer to the world. I wanted it all to be mine. 

And please. Reno's sure he said "please", like a thousand times. Rude's eyes remained the same throughout it all. They closed at some point, leaving Reno staring at his thick eyelashes, his hands wrapped tightly around Rude's forearms. And then...

Reno touched his mouth, lips feeling slightly numb. Rude's face closed in on him and suddenly he couldn't speak anymore. But also then it all turned to black. Rude either punched him, or kissed him. The lack of his presence now was absolutely horrifying. Did he leave? Is he waiting just outside for Reno to leave? 

Even knowing that, Reno didn't move. Despite the cold realization, slowly spreading over his brain, he wanted to enjoy this moment as long as he could. His first and propably last.

Slow steps could be heard from outside the bedroom, the door creaked open, and Rude shuffled into view, fully dressed and already looking like a milion gill: purple shirt, silky tie, perfectly trimmed beard. 

He walked in, bringing with him a whiskey glass full of clear liquid, and a sense of calm Reno knew all too well. A heavy feeling of conclusion, of a mind made up. It emanated from his partner in a wide radius, like a slowly suffocating blanket, straining Reno's moves.

He managed to lift himself up on the elbows, avoiding Rude's gaze. 

"Here." The only aknowledge he got - the glass showing up under his nose. Reno drank its content in one go, a familiar acidic aftertaste burning his palate. He should've expect that from Rude: the man always kept him in check, especially on a work day. 

The matress dipped next to Reno, causing him to move his legs. Rude sat down facing away from him, staring at his gloved hands.

How fitting.

Nobody said a word for a while. Reno spinned the glass in his fingers, sunlight bouncing off the edges in quick twirls, creating a carousel of specs on the grey bedsheets. 

Rude cleared his throat.

"Tseng called." He said. "We're up in an hour."

Reno could only nod, the pit in his stomach getting bigger with every passing second. That was it. He threw himself at the mercy of the court and was expecting a judgement.

What he didn't expect was his partner's body falling forward, and a pair of strong arms, wrapping around his waist. Reno blinked, his face now pressed tightly to Rude's collarbone. The rich scent of the cologne, freshness of the shower gel mixed with aftershave, plus something else, something intimately and entirely Rude, attacked him from all sides, shutting down his ability to think.

"I don't like men that way." Rude's voice cut through somehow, a low murmur in Reno's ear. He smiled despite himself.

"I know...me neither." His hands released the empty glass, but had no confidence to actually return the embrace. 

"I don't date men." Rude spoke again. Reno lowered his head, even though his partner couldn't see him from this angle anyway. 

"I don't date at all." He answered morbidly, causing Rude to chuckle, a rumbly, muffled sound wandered down his spine, making him shiver. He felt Rude's fingers intertwining against his skin and it made his heart skip a beat. 

Rude sighed, nuzzling his neck. "You drive me crazy. One person, who can rile me up from zero to a hundred in a matter of minutes...What am I supposed to do with you?"

Reno shrugged. If his partner was trying to let him down easy, he was doing a great job. Safe and cosy, he'd stay like this forever, but wouldn't dare push his luck. 

"I take whatever you give me." Reno closed his eyes. This slow build was killing him, he prefered the hammer to already fall on his head. Maybe he should push it, make Rude angry, so he beats him up and abandonds him, once and for all. Fast, like ripping off the bandaid. 

"You piss me off so much I want to strangle you sometimes." Rude's hand slid over the back of Reno's neck, making all his hair stand on end. He jerked, fists clenched on the covers. "I don't want you here. And you're all I want. I don't-"

A little noise of frustration huffed next to Reno's ear. He looked up, his chest full of fluttering emotions - a ray of hope, roaring to life.

Rude was staring into nothing, his expression softened up with understanding, blending into affection. 

"Can I kiss you?" A question he didn't expect. Not in such a shy tone. Reno laughed nervously, fingers kneading the sheets.

"You can. You could a long time ago."

Gloved hand guided him closer, making their lips touch. 

It definitely felt like a first kiss, just how they describe it in movies - starting gently, with soft pressure, a chaste, clicking noise. Tips of tongues touching, prodding, sliding around themselves. Mouths opening wider, palms going up arms and necks, caressing all the skin they could reach. 

It felt like molten fire.

Like he was about to catch flames and selfcombust. 

Like he was about to die.

"Go shower." Rude whispered into his mouth, when they both gasped for air. "We don't have much time."

"Fuck shower." Reno clinged to Rude's shirt for dear life, almost tipping them both over with his weight. Nothing seemed relevant right now, the only real thing was this room, this bed and them on it. The entire Shinra Company could go fuck itself.

"Shower." Rude let go of him, getting up from the bed. He fixed his tie, his shirt, crumpled by Reno's greedy hands. "You stink of booze and misery. Can't let you enter the office like this."

His firm tone made Reno slither out of the bed, Rude's unyielding gaze following him all the way out of the bedroom. He showered obiediently, used all his partner's things, his shower gel, his bath towel, his shaving cream. Skipped the cologne - didn't smell nearly as good on his own skin for some reason. Drying down the hair with another towel, he tried to calm down, but he felt light as a feather, weirdly giddy and unfocused.

Work was going to be hard today.

Rude gave him a small smile, as he emerged from the bathroom, clothes shrivelled even more than usual. Handed him his jacket and waited till he put on his fingerless gloves. Gave him back his goggles and kissed his forehead, moving the red bangs away.

"Coffee?" He asked, making Reno stupidly happy.

Watching his partner walz across the small kitchen, taking out black mugs and turning on the coffee machine - Reno felt the ice inside his chest disappear, replaced by liquid hot tsunami of what he couldn't even name. 

Their drive to work was uneventful - leaving Rude's home meant turning professional again. The work itself - Reno never felt better on the field than that day.

His wits turned sharper, his blows stronger, his speed - unbeatable. They ran through their opponents and came out victorious, with very little damage recieved. Rude scolded him for being reckless and it made Reno giggle, because he could feel it - the gentle whiff of emotions behind his partner's voice, the faint, but present aura of caring.

They came back to Rude's place after many hours, with limbs heavy with fatigue and eyelids full of sand. Reno followed his partner entirely unconciously and stand in the middle of his monochromatic living room, slightly confused. Oh right, that still wasn't his flat.

"Sleep." Rude said behind him and a dark skinned hand closed around his elbow, gently directing him into the bedroom. That should make him feel something, it did make him feel something, but Reno was too damn tired to react accordingly. He stripped absentmindely, accepting Rude's worn t-shirt as a night gown. Removed his gloves and goggles, kicked off his shoes and socks.

Let out a small gasp, when Rude tugged on his hair, sliding the silver clip off. 

"Your side." His partner pointed at the bed, where he layed this very morning, then turned off the lights, and pushed the sheets away. Reno followed suit, jumping under the covers, his insides rattling with excitement. 

His side. Something here that belonged to him now. 

Rude's calm, steady breathing let him know the man fell asleep already. Leaving him in the pleasant darkness, unable to calm down the agitation. Head wedged into a pillow, heart beating itself to death, he bit his lip, struggling to calm down. He reached for Rude's arm, but stopped midway, doubts suddenly clouding the happiness. 

He managed to fall asleep eventually, nestled at the very end of what was called "his side".

First days had a bit of awkward in them. They worked well together, but they had to learn how to live in such confined perimiter. Or rather, Reno had to learn how to move around this space, that Rude invited him in. And he gave it his best shot.

He brought only necessities back from his apartment, he cleaned after himself, or tried his best to do so, he folded his clothes, as well as he could, even though it still made it look like tangled heaps of fabric. He made an effort to do laundry one day, and felt stupid when all his shirts got a pink hue to them afterwards. 

He attempted cooking, but only ended up burning the pot, and soaking the entire place with smoke. Went shopping for them both and realized he has no idea what kind of food Rude actually enjoys. It was frustrating to say the least. 

And to make matters worse, Rude didn't comment on it. There was a look of surprise, sometimes a raised eyebrow, then hands would come around his wrists to take away whatever he was holding. Reno was great with guns, and beating the shit out of people, why were mundane everyday tasks so damn hard? 

He didn't want to admit it, even to himself, how much he wanted to get Rude's approval, to show him it wasn't a mistake to let him in and let him stay. How afraid he was, that Rude was going to give up on him and they'll go back to just being bros. 

One such day, while sorting out the next batch of clothing to wash - properly this time, hopefully - he somehow pulled a thread out of one of Rude's suits, making the button fall off. 

"Oh for fuck's sake, are you kiddin' me?!" Reno shrieked, dropping the entire pile down. 

Rude came back later that day, working an assignment on his own, to find him on the living room's couch, sewing the damn thing back to its place. Reno heard a sigh and tensed, hunching over his task even further, needle working twice as fast.

"What are you doing?" Rude put away his briefcase, methodically removing his jacket and glasses. Reno swallowed.

"Fucked up one of your suits." He answered, straining his voice to sound cheerful and upbeat. "No worries, I'ma fix it in a sec."

Another sigh, heavier this time. Rude came over and took a place next ot him, their arms and legs touching. "Stop it. It doesn't matter."

"Yes it does!" He felt panic washing over him. "I'll fix it, I'm almost done, I-"

Rude placed both palms on Reno's hips and gave them an encouraging pat.

"Come here."

And when Reno sat on his lap, suit jacket still in hands, like a child about to be reprimended, Rude poked his shoulder.

"Stop acting like a damn housewife. You're not one."

"But-"

"You don't owe me anything. Stop acting like you're paying for staying here."

"Just admit it - you see me ruining your things and you want me to stop." Reno let go of the suit and needle, defeated and useless. 

"That too." 

Humor was so clearly audible in his voice, Reno elbowed him on the stomach.

"Asshole. I'm trying my best!"

"You don't have to."

But I want to - danced on Reno's tongue for a second. I don't want you to regret it.

Rude got another idea.

"Is there anything you want from me?" He asked, out of the blue. It was Reno's turn to raise his brow.

"Like what?"

"What do you want me to do for you?" His partner rephrased, arms circling his waist in a gentle embrace. The answer was easy, so easy it slipped out of his mouth immediately.

"Nothing. Just...be."

"Then do the same for me." 

Reno did as he was told. No more chores, washing dishes, doing laundry, which Rude took with a gigantic relief. No cooking attempts, unless it was a greasy overfried breakfast, or making food together, which almost always ended with Rude working and Reno watching him from the countertop. 

It helped him settle in better, once Rude told him it's his place now too. Helped him bring in more of his things over, stop worrying about destroying his partner's shower with his hair dye, stop being concerned about bed space.

Rude accepted him entirely from the very start, didn't mind his clothes laying everywhere, didn't mind cleaning after him. Smiled, whenever Reno hugged his back, blushed furiously whenever got a peck on the cheek, or a genuine compliment. 

Cold blooded killers, they were. Shinra's fists to deal with the world. Cynical, sarcastic, reserved. 

They had good days and absolutely devastating ones. They fought the company' enemies, and they fought each other. Almost died few times, and got wounded plenty. Shouted at each other and bickered viciously, throwing blame around like a ping pong ball. 

Despite all that, Reno was happy. No matter how many times Rude yelled at him, rolled his eyes at him, frowned at him - he would answer with a cheeky smile, or a wink, or even say something mean in return.

Because once back home, he'd throw himself into his partner's arms and accept whatever Rude decided to do with him. 

Because what they had, seemed so solid. Well grounded. Indestructible. 

"Hey Rude?" He asked one time. It was their day off, an evening spend on the couch in front of tv's mindless entertainment, with beer and snacks within reach. Reno's body splayed all over his partner's like a blanket, head tucked safely under the man's chin. 

"Mmm?" Rude took a sip of his beer, still mainly focused on the movie. 

"Why did you do it?" Reno asked ominously. Rude shot him a confused look.

"Do what?"

Reno felt his cheeks burning. It was a stupid question, long overdue, but somehow he never had the need to ask it. 

"Took me in?..." He had no doubts about Rude's feelings towards him, he got proofs of them every day. "You know, you kinda...decided that out of nowhere."

"You're asking this now?"

Apparently so. Reno didn't respond, hiding his face more in Rude's chest. He felt his partner's fingers combing through the tufts of his hair.

"I wanted to." Rude said softly. "And you...helped me figure it out."

"I was drunk." Reno mumbled into his shirt. "And crying. You either took pity or advantage of me, basically. Or both." 

Rude chuckled. Such heartwarming sound, it reverberated through his entire body. 

"Sorry. I guess it looked that way."

"I don't get it, s'all." Reno continued thoughtfully. "The entire time you acted like a no big deal man, while I was a bundle of nerves. That's so unfair."

Rude stayed silent for a while, making Reno think he went back to watching the movie. It was pretty dumb of him to bring up that topic anyway.

"You want me to say it?"

"Well, yeah." Reno pushed himself up to his partner's level, lips pursed. "I said it, long fucking time ago. Your turn, you jerk."

He really wanted to hear it. 

Rude smirked, pulled playfully on the longer strand of hair on the side of his head.

Said it, loud enough for him to hear it, warm enough to make him melt. Kissed him, to seal the words in, pulled him even closer. 

"Satisfied?" He asked, once their lips parted. Reno couldn't stop smiling. 

"Yeah."


End file.
